My daughter Madison was a unexpected miracle in my life.I had had many complications in the past concerning carrying
a baby to full term. I had lost five babies prior to her,four to miscarriage and one was born premature at twenty
four weeks and passed away. When I found out I was pregnant with Madison I was scared to loose another. I found
an excellent doctor who specialized in high risk pregnancy who assured everything would be okay. My first wall to climb was
a blood test to check to see if I would require a RhoGAM shot. I am rh negative which means that my body may produce antibodies
that will destroy the red blood cells in your unborn baby.Learn more
here about RH testing.After my blood test the doctors concluded I did not need a RhoGAM shot. They then tested my progesterone
level which I do not make enough of during pregnancy.Progesterone is a steroid hormone that helps maintain pregnancy.Learn
more
here.They discovered mine was dangerously low and prescribed an progesterone suppository that raised the hormones levels.At twenty
four weeks my doctor decided that placing a cervical cerclage inside me was the next step.The procedure sounds more complicated
then it really is and not as painful as one would imagine.A Cervical Cerclage is treatment for cervical incompetence, in which
the cervix is sewn closed during pregnancy.Learn more
here. Once I recieved the cerclage I decided to leave my job and stay home.My thoughts were to not jeporadize the pregnancy considering
at the time I was employeed by an agency for adults with developmental disabilities.My job was both stressful physically and
mentally, something I did not need.Close to seven months my blood pressure started to sky rocket and I literally stayed
at the hospital for hours at a time being monitored.My doctor put me on a medication called Hydralazine which made me useless.I
was to take two 500mg a day and I felt like walking death.I called him up and explained to him I could not function on the
prescribed medicine and he changed it to a medication called Atenolol which had little symptons.Learn about these medications
here. At thirty two weeks I went in for a check up with my OB-GYN. I asked him for a ultrasound because the last one
I had was right after the cerclage.I told him I wanted to see my daughter for reassurance and plus the fact I found her beautiful
even then. During the ultrasound the nurse told me her heart was fine and appeared in good health. Once back in my room my
doctor came in with a uncomfortable expression on his face.He asked me if the baby had been moving which I replied yes.He
told me that we had a problem and I started crying before he ever even finished.He told me the amniotic fluid around her head
was low and that we were going to have to induce labor that day.He asked me to disrobe and to get onto the exam table which
I did,he told me he was going to remove my cerclage stitches.Mind you when these were put in I had been put to sleep.I asked
him if he was going to numb me or anything and he told me it was unneccessary.Without a question it hurt and I nearly broke
my then husbands fingers during the removal.After he was finished he told me to go to the hospital lobby and check in right
then. I was petrified the fact she was early overwhelmed me.I was put in a room and was ran through the standard hospital
procedures.They inserted a catheter and began to induce my labor.My doctor came in and checked the fetal heart rate monitor
and told me that we would have to instead do an emergency csection because the baby's heart rate was too low.I was pushed
into a room that resembled a kitchen and was freezing naked.I asked them for something besides the sheet I had over me and
one of the nurses covered me in huge blankets.I had to have a spinal block for the procedure and I urge anyone who suffers
prior back problems to avoid this type of medication.I literally did not stop having back pain for a year after the birth
of my daughter.During the cesarean delivery I could not breathe and it felt as if I had a truck on my chest.I felt nothing
from the bottom of my lungs down and was not able to see what they were doing due to a sheet in front of me.I waited to hear
my daughter the entire time until she finally began crying.My doctor told me she was beautiful and I was allowed to kiss her.He
told me she had to be taken to the nursery and for me to relax.I felt someone put a mask on my face and I was out.When I woke
up I was in the recovery room fighting my body for feeling so they would allow me to go back to my room.When I finally
was able to go back they brought my daughter in and I was not able to hold her which I did not understand.My doctor came in
and told me my little girl was born weighing four pounds and six ounces and would have to be monitored.I stayed six days in
the hospital with my daughter.They had placed a feeding tube in through her nose to make sure she was absorbing what she had
eaten.I was mixing her food between formula and breast milk and she did not have any complications besides her weight.She
was a very alert and healthy baby girl.When I was finally able to bring her home I was ecstatic and spent ninety-nine
point nine percent of my day with her,the other percent was the rare occassion of sleep.Her first check up was exhausting
for me and any parent can verify watching their child recieve shots isn't easy.She was gaining weight and I was told
very healthy.I was also made aware that she would have to recieve Synagis shots to guard against RSV because she was
premature.RSV(Respiratory syncytial virus)is the most common cause of bronchiolitis and pneumonia among infants and children
under 1 year of age.I was told these infections are especially dangerous in babies who were born prematurely.To learn about
RSV go
here.Her insurance, which she had two at the time, neither would cover any cost for the shots.I called my mother who thankfully
is a nurse who works in Pediatrics and told her of my problem.Madison's shots ended up costing close to one thousand a shot,thankfully
Caremark a very helpful company helped with the shots cost.Madison was agitated after these shots but never was sick.She weighed
over twelve pounds at four months and her doctor said that was a healthy weight for a premmie.She had been spitting up which
he claimed was normal and otherwise was healthy.I laid her down to sleep one morning in her room.I was told that it would
be fine for her to sleep in a room other then her father's and mine because we both had been sick that week.Her father worked
third shift so my schedule and her's revolved around his so he could see her when he got home from work.I laid her down when
him and I laid down to sleep,she was fine and smiling when I left her room.My husband woke me a few hours later and told me
he had just changed and fed the baby and she had went back to sleep,he was heading out the door for work.I got out of bed shortly
after and went towards her room to see if she was awake yet.When I leaned over her bassinet I realized something was very
wrong.The color of my daughter was wrong and more over how she was sleeping was wrong.I had heard so many things concerning
babies and how they should and should not sleep.I was told laying them on their backs if they were to spit up could cause
them to drown.I was told laying them on their stomachs could cause them to smother as well as drown if they spit up.I always
propped Madison on her side where she was neither way.What prompted me to do this was something that happened when she was
close to a month old.I had went to check on her while she was taken a nap in her bassinet when I was cooking one evening.She
was on her stomach in a ball towards the top of her bed and this scared me badly.When I found my daughter in April she was
the color of a sheet of paper.She wasn't breathing and I couldn't feel her heartbeat.I began doing CPR then realized I
had to get her to ER.I ran out the door to the neighbors to call EMS,we did not have a home phone at the time.My neighbor
called 911 while I tried to get a response from my daughter.I wrapped her in a blanket the neighbor handed me and was rubbing
her body and crying.When the EMS arrived the passenger literally ran to me arms outstretched for Madison and I met him halfway.They
left with her in one ambulance and I rode to the hospital in the other.They called my husband at work from the ambulance while
I was trying to answer the other EMS workers questions.Once at the hospital I sat alone in the waiting room and they
could not tell me anything.I tried to recall numbers of people like my mother and family and came up with nothing.When my
husband arrived they took us into a small room and shut the door.They told us they had tried for over an hour to revive our
daughter and they were sorry but they could not,I hit the floor with him beside me and screamed.Not long after they told us
of her passing a group of people entered the room and began asking us many questions.We were asked if we ever hurt our daughter,hit
her,abused her.I was shocked by their questions and ultimately broken.A private investigator visited our home removing her
bed linen among other things.I was told awhile afterwards that in this day and time a death of a child warrants these type
of actions.I was asked to sign a document authorizing an autopsy and then I tried to call my mother.I never could finish telling
her her grandaughter was gone I instead handed the phone to my brother.Once at home I laid in bed for hours sobbing until
I fell asleep.Freinds of the family had moved her things from my room into hers in an attempt to help.It didn't.She was sent
for an autopsy which prevented us from being able to bury her for a few days.The hell of choosing my daughters casket,grave
plot and outfit for the showing was enough to leave me heartbroken.I wanted to know what had happened,I literally aggravated
the hospital daily.During her funeral one of the men who I had never met came up to me at the casket.He pulled her little
hat back showing me where they had cut her explaining to me not to let anyone remove her hat.I told him I was her mother
and his eyes filled with tears apologizing that he did not mean for me to see that.Many family and friends paid their respects
and many had a hard time entering the room.My mother was dying inside out and her cries alone literally made people turn from
the door.Once Madison was buried I still had no cause why my beautiful baby girl was gone.Weeks we were made to wait
for the autopsy results which were the longest of my life.When we recieved the results I sat in the car at the mailbox
for close to an hour with the envelope crying.I began reading throughout the document which detailed things noone should ever
have to read about their child.The last page stated cause of death which was SIDS.I had no ideal what SIDS was really at the
time.One of my friends had lost her son to it a few years beforehand and I was only aware that it had no known cause.
